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It's the 1996 "Best of" Awards
I've got my top down, and my radio turned up loud. I've got it on talk radio as usual, and I'm writing down my "best of" awards while driving like a loon.

1996 Looney Award for Best Talk Show Guests: (TIE) Michael Jackson's guest list is a proverbial who's who! One morning, I believe he had the Pope, Madonna, Keith Richards and former U.N. Secretary Jean Kirkpatrick all calling within one hour. Jackson is tied with KFI's Phil Hendrie, who always seems to find an eclectic guest at a moment's notice.

1996 Looney Award for Best Talk Radio Voice: (TIE) It's between KABC's Dennis "Boom Box" Prager and KMPC's Merrill Shindler, whose voice sounds like my beloved Aunt Helen.

1996 Looney Award for Best Talk Show Host under 30: My homie Mr. KABC is 29, but doesn't qualify for this award, since he didn't work at KABC until January 2, 1997. So I'll have to give this award to Mr. KFI.

1996 Beavis and Butthead Award for Worst Talk Show Host(s) under 30: (TIE) It's a tossup between 97.1 Real Radio's "Regular Guys" Larry and Eric, and KFI's irregular guys Scott and Casey. All four of my radio homies have raw talent, but fart jokes just aren't my thing. (I met Scott once - or was it Casey - and he couldn't have been nicer. Too bad the same can't be said about me.)

1996 Looney Award for Best Short Fuse: No tie here. XTRA's Lee "Hacksaw" Hamilton sounds like a pro-wrestler who just got his hands on some endoplasmic-strength steroids. Hey, Lee: It's only radio, and it's only sports. Take a pill! (Unless it's a steroid.)

1996 Gloria Allred Award for Radio Personality Who Seems To Be Best At Scoring The Most Free Publicity: (TIE) KLSX's Howard Stern and KABC's Gloria Allred the King and Queen of all media. From "Nightline" to "Hard Copy," the nightly news to magazine covers, these two take this years Allred award. I had dinner with Gloria once. (Well, I drank beer and she ate - if you call that dinner.) Howard, on the other hand, doesn't know I exist. (Maybe next time I'll accidentally tell his producer Gary that it's George Clooney calling.)

1996 Looney Award for Radio Personality Who's Best At Returning My Phone Calls: (TIE) It's a three-way tie. Mr. KABC, Gloria Allred and the KWNK Sports Gods are the only four to ever return my phone calls. (It makes me feel important when these radio icons return my calls.)

Have a super-incumbent 1997. I hope you're fortuitous with your resolutions. (My two resolutions are to hang with Mr. KABC and to liposuck my love handles.)

The opinions embodied in the Looney Point of View are Looney opinions, and not necessarily the opinions of the Los Angeles Radio Guide. It must be noted that Thom Looney is an official member of the International Brotherhood of the Eastern Liberal Media Elite, as well as many liberal Washington-based think tanks. He also meets several times a year in Barstow with guys in black helicopters.