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The Looney Point of View is full of it - as in Looney opinions. The tenets included in this impotent column are not in any way to be interpreted as the opinions of the Los Angeles Radio Guide, its advertisers, The Real Don Steele, Steely Dan, Manford Mann or Dan Mandis in the KFI traffic center.


 


BY THOM LOONEY

Even when it's raining, I've got my top down, and my radio turned up loud. It's on talk radio, as usual. Bill Clinton was God's gift to radio. By the way, I talked to God the other day when she appeared in a department store window in the Boyle Heights section of East L.A. Homegirl said that in a few years she's sending a Republican for talk show hosts to pick on. God has a sense of humor.
If you listen to the Nastyman on the " FM Talk Station" to say. Let me repeat that: He is a talk show host who can't think of anything to say! (Note to KLSX: Get Cindy Brady on the phone, fast!) The rest of the station has arrived as a talk station, though. Howard is Howard, and Jonathon Brandmeier is doing middays now there. He specializes in prank phone calls, which makes me think I'll like him. (Caller ID and *69 has ruined my life.) The comedy team of Tim Conway Jr. and Doug Steckler was moved to nights. Wherever they go, they'll be funny. They usually babble about booze, bangin' around with hot chicks and losing money at the track. During their intercourse on any topic, Conway is always interrupting the thesis at hand to beseech female callers to bang around. Yes, if you haven't heard it, it sounds Sternish. But Howard is a really famous rich guy now; Conway is ill-famed, penniless, hung-over, horny and funny. If that doesn't describe you, it describes somebody you know. He and Steckler are funny and real; that's the appeal. Howard Stern isn't like somebody you know.
I'm going to try to mention every weekly commericial talk show host in this column. They deserve it; they work hard. A lot of pundits have sobbed about all the changes at KABC AM790 last year. I think the changes are for the better. It used to be an antediluvian station, full of foreign accents, Vin Scully, pop psychologists, sports talk shows that never had the same hosts and nightly hosts whom you could never name. KABC is a younger person's station now, which is good for listening and good for business. I like the jingles. In the morning at the aforementioned Mickey Mouse station, Peter Tilden is as fast as Carl Owens. Watch the show get better under new management. Under the old regime, Tilden was constantly scrutinized. He was reportedly in comedian hell; it seems as though he has more comedic freedom. Ken Minyard is OK. Mid-morning gabber Ronn Owens' middle-of-the-road style reminds me of the great philosopher Plato - Dana Plato! Somebody should tell Ronn that the middle of the road is where dead skunks hang out. If he agrees with one more caller who disagrees with him, I'm switching to Rush. As far as theologian Dennis Prager is concerned, I used to like him more before. Larry Elder is much more charming on TV than on radio. Look for him to have a permanent TV gig. My very close friend Stephanie Miller is becoming the queen of all media. She's on the radio, on TV at CNBC and MSNBC - and always mentioned in my column! She's forevermore funny as well. Whether or not Mr.KABC's omniscient shtick does it for you, he's just plain nice and super-cerebral, without being a nerd about it! If you have a computer problem or a canker sore, he's got the answer.
Over at KFI, Bill Handel is unbelievable. When does he sleep? A husband who lives with his wife, a father who lives with his children, a morning talk show host in L.A., a frequent guest on TV's "Hard Copy" and his own law practice? No wonder he's corpulent; when would he have time to go to the gym? I know he doesn't have time to prep for his show; but he pulls it off on the air and in the ratings! It seems to me that this guy rolls out of bed after four or five hours of sleep, max, looks at the front page of the L.A. Times and USA Today, circles four topics and wings it! He doesn't have much style; sometimes his voice is shrill as a lancet; his English skills often unlettered; but he pulls it off. In other words, he's just damned good.
Dr. Laura - do I have to mention her? I better, or she'll cancel her subscription. My Elmira, N.Y. homeboys John & Ken are bodacious. John has an angry edge, but he's likeable because he's a big hypocrite who changes his opinion every month and admits it. It's comical and refreshing. Ken's cool.
Phil Hendrie's show is hard to pull off. Sometimes, when he hits the mark, his "guests" make me laugh so hard that I worry I'll faint and slam into a guardrail on the 405. That gun-toting lesbian Tammy Bruce is getting better. Every time I hear her stabbing voice, though, it reminds me of the time I got knifed in Bell Gardens.
The opinions in the Looney Point of View are not those of the L.A. Radio Guide. Tomm Looney can be reached at LooneyLA@aol.com.


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